I kept looking at the weather updates online throughout the night and wondering if I'll be able to lace up my running shoes and hit the pavement. I know there were many thoughts going through my mind:
- Why in the world did I decide to run a half marathon?
- I'm crazy to be running in this weather?
- Am I trying to prove something?
- I'll probably jsut go to the gym tomorrow
- Why am I doing this again?
Finally, I picked a book from a stack next to my bed and waalaah, "The Places That Scare You" by Pema Chodron, opened to the page I left off ....
"Through the process of practicing the mindfulness-awareness technique on a regular basis we can no longer hide from ourselves. We clearly see the barriers we set up to shield us from naked experience. Although we still associate the walls we've erected with safety and comfort, we also begin to feel them as a restriction. This claustrophobic situation is important for a warrior. It makes the beginning of longing for an alternative to our small, familiar world. We begin to look for ventilation. We want to dissolve the barriers between ourselves and others."
The question was, "Who am I without these thoughts?"
So with a clearer mind and forgetting the places the scare me, I fell asleep. To wake up to light snow. My mind went back to those scary places that I realized were just pure silly thoughts... ice. snow. cold. cars. fumes. people. These are all wonderful things in our environment, except for maybe cars and fumes.. haha
So the next question I asked was, 6 miles on the dreadmill or take it outside. My good brother, Hank, reminded me of the amount of electricity I would use if I went to the gym. Good Job Hank!! I have to walk the talk! Conserve, conserve, conserve.
I laced up the running shoes, layered my clothing, grabbed my beanie and gloves and headed out. It was such a wonderful feeling knowing that the snow, the ice, the cold was a renewal process for our environment. The runoff from the peaks will break bountiful harvest to our farms. The places that scare me became the places I love. With that in mind, I ran, slowly, 3 miles out and 3 miles back. My thoughts were much clearer about what convenience in our society means. How its changed our world, our children's world, yet not realizing that we have created a world that our children will need to fix one day. We are on the movement to help change this convenience, bringing our children back to the land back to the soil back to what adaptation really means. I"m hopeful and excited to be on this path that is scary but we know that the barriers are walls that can come down with communication amongst everyone.
The question remains, if I ran 6 miles on a treadmill, how much electricity would I have burned? how much coal would be used for this convenience? How much rubber trees torn down to make the rubber belt that goes around and around while we run in place on this machine? We say we do it for our health but really how much more of an impact has it had on someone else's environment?
So much to think about when running! Yet so much free space to just be, also!
Until next time,
Run Claudia Run